Grow a Beard

Facial hair, everyone’s got it. Whether it comes in thick and bushy (like mine), or thin and scraggly (like Mukund’s), facial hair is pretty sweet. At this point in your life, you probably don’t understand how awesome growing facial hair is, but hopefully after reading this you will understand it’s a great, almost god-like power. Male pogonotrophy, more commonly known as the growing of facial hair, is a very popular recreational activity with the male gender and has been around for ones of tens of years. Ever since its introduction to the world and to all who call this crazy place “home,” facial hair has been one of the most dominant attributes of mankind and what people consider to be manly. Okay, just think about this. In the Lord of the Rings films, the most epic and just downright awesome characters had beards. Gandalf had a beard, Aragorn had a beard, even Gimli had a beard, and everyone knows that they are the best characters. The presence of facial hair on their faces helped them transcend all the other characters (except for Shadowfax, that horse was total domination) and made them pretty tight. The Hobbits and the Elves, with their silky, smooth facial skin, were only decent characters compared to the burly, bearded characters mentioned above. So basically, the bearded characters were the best characters in the Lord of the Rings, and probably killed the largest quantity of bad guys. So, if that didn’t make your respect for beards exponentially increase, this better. Are you ever in a conversation where you have nothing to talk about? This is where the greatness of facial hair can really assist you (especially Mukund, due to his lack of social skills). When the conversation is getting really lame, bring up the fact that you haven’t shaved since last Friday. The person/people you are conversing with will most likely comment on how it’s coming in nicely. You will then let him/her/them touch it and voilá, your conversation is saved (and that person will probably want to be your best friend). My personal favorite reason (probably not Mukund’s favorite reason because his beard doesn’t grow very thick) for beards being so wonderfully stupendous is that itching them can be extremely fun and enjoyable. When my beard itches, there are many different ways I can solve the problem. I could poke at it with my pencil, find a way to blow on it, get an unsuspecting bystander to scratch it, rub it against the ground, or just scratch it with my fingers, the possibilities are endless. I know some of you people are thinking, “Hey, if beards are so cool, then why don’t more famous celebrities have them.” But you couldn’t be more wrong, and you should be ashamed for even thinking that. Well, Abraham Lincoln had a beard (he most likely still has one), Samuel L. Jackson can have a pretty sick beard when he wants to have one (like in that one movie where he had a beard), and even Mr. Lazere has a beard (and he’s a teacher). In conclusion, facial hair is really cool.