Taddy Daddy

Liam Struck, Reporter

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             Tad Diress, a name that can send chills down your spine or sweet warm vibrations through your whole entire body. Whether it’s hoppin’ over hurdles or talking to his hundreds of fans, the only thought on Tads mind is Bernie Sanders. Now before you radical right winged loyal patriots head towards the nearest gun shop, hear the guy out. Tad states that, “I need money for casey’s gas stations, free college let’s make it happen.”

“It needs to stop,” screams social justice warrior Tad Diress, what is he screaming about? Police violence. He wants to run for president and turn this country great again, this is under controversy because of the fact that Tad is from Slovakia but in his words, “Anything is possible as long as you believe.” Quite inspiring. Besides from being a philosopher Tad is talented in other areas such as being an alternate for state track last year, making the fresh-sophomore cross country team and last but not least being an inspiring individual to whole body of Ames High. He also does band.

A few memorable quotes from Taddy to live by;

“Running is addictive.”

“Socialism is a good ideal but I like where I’m at.”

“My boys!”

“Hey hey ho ho Donald trump has got to go!”

“A good compromise leaves everyone unhappy.”

“I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich.”

Unfortunately, Tad is not a complete saint, recently he had gotten pulled over on 13th street for going 47 in a 35, quite shameful. He has also skipped debate club on numerous occasions. Although despite these juvenile actions Tad claims to have never smoked a weed nor gotten drunk off of the alcohols.

Now we all know Tad is a role model to all of us but who are his role models? “Mooney is my role model because of his humor and love for instilling fear into his students with his pop quizzes,” explained Tad. “My other role models are 98KB for creating the Best Song of the Decade, Kanuch. I also worship Jon Stewart from the Daily Show because of his style as a comedian.”

Ladies and gentlemen this was a very very brief summary of our school legend Tad Diress, if you would like to know more about Tad say ello or i in the hallway and strike up a conversation, he’s really a lovely guy. That’s all the time we have for Tad, but as only our lord and savior Tad would say, “Have a voluptuous day” Ames High.

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