From the first day we enter the hallowed gates of this prestigious institution, we learn the one goal of high school: to become seniors, the bearded, tall, glorious creatures who glide through the halls. For most, this takes four years. However, you can still emulate the favorite class of Ames High in the way you look and act.
Don’t let those senior pictures fool you. Seniors are not all about the dramatic hair and makeup. We don’t have smiles permanently etched into our faces, nor do we regularly roll in cold, wet leaves for photo ops (ahem, my senior pics).
Come on, we all know it’s true: to look like a true senior, you have to embrace the grunge.
First, you need the basics. Accumulate as many t-shirts as you can to attain the coveted look of a student who has attended- either by choice or coercion- many AHS events. Wear your t-shirt rumpled, as if you quickly pulled it from a hamper before pulling it on and running out the door.
Top it off with a frayed sweatshirt. You should wear this every single day. Make sure to spill ice cream and chocolate on it every few days as you eat dinner by your computer. By the end of a few weeks, it will have acquired a lovely stench. Once you’ve found a look that works, why change it?
For makeup, you can either go bare or try your hand at the senior smoky eye. Put on eyeliner and mascara and leave it on for several days, crying occasionally to add a few tear lines running down your cheeks. Make sure the makeup is not waterproof. Those smudges are integral to your aesthetic. You should look as if you’ve narrowly escaped drowning.
Keep your eyes half-shut as though you might doze off at any moment. You want to look as though you only sleep four hours every night. For authenticity, stay up until 2 AM every night binge-watching Gossip Girl while doodling on- or actually doing- your chem homework.
Forget the Chapstick and lip gloss for several weeks to allow your lips to become chapped, like you’ve spent a year in Siberia. Who has the time for the 30 seconds it takes to apply Chapstick? Not you, that’s who.
Next up is hair. The senior hairstyle, also known as “I haven’t washed my hair in a week,” works for all genders. Your greasy locks will show your superiority over people who have time management skills. Only freshmen have time for showers. Gross.
The last step to becoming a senior lookalike is to adjust your mannerisms and speech. Walk with a permanent slouch, as if your backpack contains two hundred bears. It’s only a trig book and your laptop, but they’ll never know.
Keep an expression of dismay on your face at all times. Or, alternately, one of horror. Every so often, mutter “college apps” or “ACT” under your breath, looking upset. Moan occasionally and rub your neck gingerly like angry bees have inhabited your vertebrae. No senior has time to sit up straight.
Clench your fingers like you’re holding Leo DiCaprio’s hand and you’re never going to let go. Seniors develop this classy clenched hand from hours of frantic typing. Bonus points if your fingernails are chipped and raw from being bitten. Stress makes people eat weird foods. Fingernails are the delicacy of choice for many of our special seniors.
Once you’ve developed all of these skills, you’ll have the appearance of a senior. It’ll set you apart from all those hygiene-conscious underclassmen and establish your dominance at AHS. And you didn’t even have to do college apps to get the look. Lucky you!