Lettuce Club


Lucas Bleyle, Print Manager

On the 16th of February a glance into Mrs. Brenneman’s room might seem like the setting of a forceful vegan conversion festival or other strange science experiment.

It will be the Lettuce Club you see, the sight of students crammed into a room, voraciously devouring lettuce heads with the gusto of a pack of wolves.

Instead of rending flesh from bone, they will rend leaf from leaf. Instead of blood spattered across their maws, they will have salad dressing dripping from their lips.

“It all started with a tumblr post,” said Neta, co-founder of Ames High Lettuce Club, in an ominous tone.

Co-founder Rachel Junck elaborated, “Lettuce club is a meme where people come  together to eat lettuce and it’s a competition to see who can eat it the fastest.

The fastest to ingest 1lb of lettuce wins the grand prize of having to organize the Lettuce Club meeting for the following year.

“Its BYOL, but we will provide all the dressing,” said Rachel. Bring any kind of lettuce as long as it weighs at least one pound and eat it anyway you please, whether that be dip and eat, as a salad or by just sinking your teeth in it whole.

The two co-founders hope this radical club will transform the health scene at Ames high school.

“If they are motivated enough to eat lettuce at this incredible club it might translate to healthy eating habits at home,” said Neta, convincingly.

Sponsored by the brave and patient Mrs. Brenneman, the club meets in her room immediately after school on February 16th.

“My biggest fear is that someone will choke,” said Mrs. Brenneman, excited as ever for this club to take place.

Rachel and Neta hope for this club to be the mark they leave on Ames High.

“Lettuce leaf a legacy,” said Rachel.

“This is the romaine attraction of the winter,” said Neta.