The life of a goldfish ctracker


Skip Stevens, Reporter

One day I woke up. I can still recall the scratching noise. A mechanism-like sound that plagued the air.


That’s probably what woke me.


It was dark. I could tell I was moving and afraid, but nothing more. Scrambling my thoughts, I tried to make sense of the situation. Then it hit me… the light!


As my eyes dilated, I was comforted to see that I wasn’t alone. There were thousands of fish that looked just like me. We were on what appeared to be an assembly line, which explained the movement, and boy was it moving quickly. I was contemplating why we were all even there, and what the assembly line meant, then I saw… it.


A giant thing dressed in a white coat and some sort of net on his head. He was walking in the opposite direction of the line holding a piece of paper in his hand. I tried to remain calm but didn’t need to for long. Because two seconds later, the light was gone and the heat set in.


For three whole minutes, me and the fish that I was with experienced an increasingly intense feeling of being roasted alive. And when the door finally opened, I saw another one of the things.


Although still dizzy from the pain of the flame, I wasn’t too frightened this time around. However, a slight shock of fear still caused my cheddar yellow color to turn one shade brighter.


It was light again, but only for about a minute. After that, I was segregated into a smaller group and slid into a container.


I remained in the same container and was at the very bottom, crushed by the weight of my fellow fish. I haven’t a clue what happened to my container since I was put in. All I know is that about once a day I heard the container being opened… then I felt a sense of being upside down… then a lighter weight on top of me afterwards.


That brings me to now. It’s been about a week and there’s only a few of us left. Oh no! I see the light again. What is that? It’s got me… it’s a… a hand. Oh my… it’s another one of those things. It is smaller than the others, but still quite large. I don’t know why it’s opening its mouth. Wait… now I see. This is the purpose for my existence. It’s inevitable. I’m about to be eaten by the giant thing that created me. If you’re reading this, it’s too la….


The life of a goldfish cracker.