My Ames High takeover


Kub Stevens, Co-editor in chief

Stage a media event in order to express my absolute dominance of the Ames High school building, including staff, administration, and fellow students. Stage a coup in order to make it very clear who is really in charge in this building. Expel two resistors in order to show that I do not play around. Recruit seven loyalists to my inner circle to make it seem like anyone can be my friend. Expel them secretly.


Establish a ruthless guard of delinquents and have them work in connection with Band Mafia. Wreak havoc on student body both physically and mentally. Mess with their emotions. Promise delicious rotisserie cuts in the lunch room; change nothing. Endorse Lunaburg and Smith as my right hand men and let them do whatever they want to. 1 per table in the MC.

Good work

— Napoleon the pig

Spence becomes a crony. Janitors used solely to clean up after my exclusive galas. No freshmen allowed. No girls allowed. No boys allowed. No pets. No administration, staff, or guests. No food will be served. No fun allowed.


Every twelfth day is Kub appreciation day. No classes will be held. Poems about me will be recited whilst I rest on my laurels and dabble in accessing the deepest reaches of my spiritual power. Fifteen minutes will be allotted for lunch.


Band Mafia chocolate sales will account for the main source of my income. Cut the school budget by about $586,000 and embezzle those funds. Mansion will be built on the high school roof, complete with harpsichord, atrium, Kool-Aid cellar, room dedicated solely to falconry. This is where falcons will be housed.


Attack dogs chained outside the school at all times. German Shepherds, Rottweilers, Dobermans, and Pit Bulls. Maybe a Corgi for rabbit patrol. Tunnels leading to and from the school will be constructed and put to use immediately. Football field used as a helipad.