The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

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The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

Student inventions amaze

Some days it just feels as if everything has already been invented. Even more disappointing is the extent of what is going into these inventions: I-touches that all you do is touch, laptops so thin you get paper cuts handling them, and something called a magic bullet that can make a four course meal before you even think about what you’re going to make. But don’t give up hope yet, there are plenty of things people don’t need but will still buy. For example, lower your brain’s thinking power to a time of grunting, inbreeds, and savage beasts roaming free: technology of the year 1876. A time where technical limitations didn’t allow people to simply shower or bath. One had to heat water, carry it to the place of bathing until it was full and then get in. What was needed was a combination of the two- A hot tub fueled by fire and greasy muscular men. This can be made from a trampoline frame turned upside down, a pool liner, four 55-gallon drums, concrete, and a hell of a lot of determination. With a frame, you have something to stabilize the pool liner and water. Next the drums go into the center, and filled with concrete to sink them. Finally, add water and start a fire. From this comes the fun of making boy soup, with the convenience of getting clean. “I knew when the police train came to stop us; we were onto something great”, senior John McClelland said. The hot tub proved that if you put your mind to it, you can make your inventions a reality. “I had a USB port in my pocket, but didn’t remember having a lighter in that pocket” said McClelland. This sparked an idea. The USB lighter, due to John’s complete lack of memory, became the bread and butter of his inventions. The USB lighter is practical in the sense of smoking and transferring data. The only downfall is that with practicality of smoking comes cancer. “It endorses cancer more than it cures it,” said McClelland, “unless they make a cigarette that cures cancer.” One way to sum up McClelland’s ideas: MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. Mixing practicality and beauty is also a great starting point for inventions. “A mustache is a beautiful thing, until you eat ice cream” said senior myself. My latest invention is a moustache cleaner that could fit in one’s pocket; this would take the human race to the next level. Take one of the giant brushes in a car wash and shrink it, put a handle on it, make it shoot water and soap, and KazzaWheeOuppo!, you have won yourself the invention of the year award. Take a look at infomercials, they crank out so much junk that the toilet is full. The toilet of worthless inventions, that is. Americans are number one consumers of unusable objects. So look on the bright side, you could be the next Edison of daytime television. All you have to do is simplify.

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