Dangerous cereal-killers on the loose

This is a public service announcement to all breakfast cereals: there have been numerous reports of cereal “killers” on the loose. They take all sorts of forms, from strudels (of the toaster variety) to crispy treats with rice in them. You should keep your eyes open for these items; they may even be in a cupboard near you. These monsters have become more and more popular, replacing cereals as a morning meal. While people have less and less time, it seems that not many people are willing to sit down, open the newspaper, and enjoy a nice bowl of cereal first thing in the morning like they were in the good ol’ days. Today, everyone is in a rush, and they’re looking for a snack they can just eat on the go. The biggest threat to cereals all over the world is the “Pop Tart.” This treat offers a wide variety of flavors, from fruity to chocolate, and is easy to eat while driving to school or work. “Pop Tarts are money,” said senior Zeke Musselman. “They are delicious, portable, and just awesome possum.” The ‘Tart’s cousin, the “Toaster Strudel” has become a very common replacement. With a flaky crust, fruity filling, and tasty frosting on the top, it has become a popular item over the years. Bagels and toast are also very common and very dangerous. With just the addition of cream cheese or jelly, depending on which you prefer, they become a delectable meal. Their are rampant and deadly. “Bagels are most definitely our most popular breakfast item,” senior and Panera employee Brandon Pflug said. “We sell hundreds of them.” One must never forget the simplest of breakfast items: the granola bar. “I love chocolate chip granola bars,” junior John Hopper said. “They are very easy to eat on the go, an taste amazing.” Granola bars may not seem very harmful, but they are actually one of the most popular snacks, due to the wide variety of flavors and the convenience factor. Finally, never underestimate the nostalgic peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Although this may seem a little out of date, a PB and J sandwich is classic, and people seem to think that they can’t go wrong with one. “I love PB and Js,” said junior Ben Jones. “I snack on one every day.” Hopefully all you Cheerios, Cinnamon Toast Crunches, and Lucky Charms take this warning seriously. If you don’t watch your backs, you may be kicked out of cupboards for good.