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The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

Larry the Cable Guy trilogy: a new holy trinity?: (Under further inspection, just a witless farce)

Daniel Lawrence Whitney is a name most people won’t recognize. More possible is that they know him by his stage name, Larry the Cable Guy. Larry comes from a small town in Nebraska called Pawnee City. Larry’s comedy career started by performing stand up at amateur comedy club and turned into a massive stand up tour. He has moved even farther than stand up, he made the leap to the big screen in 2006. Since then he has stared in 3 films, Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce and Witless Protection. I sat down with a big bowl of popcorn and a two-liter of mountain dew to find out for myself which Larry the Cable Guy movie was the least of the three evils. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector This was the first full-length feature starring Larry. Larry is a health inspector hanging by a thread when his boss assigns him a partner, Amy Butlin (Iris Bahr). Amy Butlin was a rookie, excited to get on the job, until she met her partner. The two come across a food poisoning incident which lead them on an adventure to find who is responsible. Along the way Larry meets Jane Whitley (Megyn Price) and manages to pick up the girl and find the person responsible for the poisonings. Health Inspector was painful to watch and contained obsessive amounts of vulgar actions. Health Inspector included more bodily function jokes than I could handle. The acting was terrible and I felt like I was watching an eight-year-old in a mans body. Delta Farce Delta Farce was released in 2007. In Delta Farce, Larry’s best friend Bill is his longtime stand up partner, Bill Engvall. Larry is an army reserve soldier who unexpectedly gets shipped out to Iraq. En route to Fallujah, Larry along with Bill, Everett (DJ Qualls) and Sgt. Kilgore (Keith David) get accidentally dropped onto Mexico. After burying Sgt. Kilgore, who is not really dead, the three venture off into a nearby town in which they think is a town in Iraq. The three try to “liberate” the small town from bandits. They become heroes only to find out they are in Mexico. Larry again somehow gets the beautiful girl at the end of the movie. A step up from Health Inspector, Delta Farce was not as obscene but still lacked creative jokes and characters to make it a decent movie. Witless Protection A small town sheriff from Mississippi stumbles onto an FBI profile case and kidnaps Madeleine (Ivana Milicevic) from her captors who turn out to be the agents protected her. Larry takes Madeleine to Chicago to solve the case himself. The FBI agents turn out to be evil, making Larry the hero once again. Just as offensive as the first two, Witless Protection was just as horrible as I expected after watching the others. The only protection that is needed is for anyone that is about to watch this movie. After I watched the three worst movies I have ever seen, I felt as if I had somehow got dumber. The plots in these movies are not interesting and the jokes are the same in each film- all jokes only a young child would find entertaining. I recommend never seeing any of these movies unless forced to under penalty of death. There is no best order to watch these movies besides watching none of them. I can’t imagine a worse way to spend four and a half hours of any ones life.

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