Bill Clinton may or may not love Freedom Day, but he loves Kwanzaa

While most people will celebrate Christmas, the celebration of the birth of what Christians believe to be a Jewish Zombie Super Hero known solely as Jesus, on Christmas Day, others will not. They will be celebrating an array of different holidays during December as well. Those who are a member of the Church of Scientology will be celebrating Freedom Day on December 30th. Freedom Day is the day that the United States officially recognized Scientology as a religion and not as some unbelievably insane cult, which now means that enough people believe that the evil lord Xenu and his army of DC-8’s dropped billions of his people into volcanoes and the bombed them with hydrogen bombs to earn the Church of Scientology a tax exemption from the government. “Hanukkah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights,” said Jewish comedian Adam Sandler. “Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah. It’s so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah.” Another holiday during this season is Hanukkah which is celebrated by Jewish people, who light a different candle on the Menorah for eight nights celebrating an ancient temple being liberated from the Greeks who were trying to force their religion upon the Jewish people. The most famous part of Hanukkah is the dreidel, which is sort of like a Jewish spin-the-bottle with gold coins. Then there is Kwanzaa, which is celebrated by African-Americans and funny white people. The term “Kwanzaa” is Swahili for tradition and reason. The holiday celebrates seven principles: unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creative, and faith. The celebration consists of much traditional African clothing and decor. It has its roots in the Black Nationalist movement of the sixties and was established as a way of helping African Americans reconnect with their African heritage. For those who cannot wait until December to celebrate a holiday, they can celebrate Leif Erickson Day, which takes place October 9th. “Dinga dinga durgan,” freshman Sam Ennis said. “Hinga dinga durgan. It’s a day where I can celebrate my rich heritage of big guys with beards.” Ultimately, the lesson here is that while Christmas is the most popular holiday during this season, it is not the only one by any means, and everyone should respect the holidays of other religions and cultures.