Obama! Food! Fashion! Puppies! Give me more!

On January 20, millions of people around the world crowded around their TVs to watch one of the biggest American historical landmarks of the decade: the inauguration of our first black president. Much anticipation has built up around this new administration since President Obama was elected on November 4. In the past few months following the election, the overly excessive media has been bursting with “important” questions about the future of the Obama administration including: who will be selected to hold positions in Obama’s cabinet? How will the Obama administration handle the economic crisis? And what are the central priorities of the new administration? With questions like these, it’s easy to see why many conservatives are upset with the media. The issues being addressed by the “liberal media” are surface level and hardly germane to any of the cold, hard issues. Although these silly inquiries’ relevance to the success of the new administration is debatable at best, here at The WEB, we pride ourselves in separating our publication from the trends of the national media by focusing on the issues that really matter with probing questions and imperative insights like: what kind of dog is the Obama family going to have? What items are going to be on the lunch menus at Sasha’s and Malia’s new schools? And did she really just wear that to the Inaugural Ball? Below is a collection of the vital issues that will define the new Obama administration. Presidential Fashion – Sasha and Malia’s outfits on inauguration day were a bit cliché. How many times have we seen these presidential kids sporting monochromatic color schemes? They are going to have to up their game if they want to out-cute Amy Carter. Also, Barack was wearing the American flag lapel-pin which is so 2008. The preferred form of fashionable patriotism in 2009 is the limited edition facial tattoo entitled “I’m going to commit suicide because the economy sucks more than High School Musical 3”. Doggy Doodoo- The hunt for the perfect breed of presidential puppy has been narrowed down to the Labradoodle and the Portuguese Water Dog. Judging by these choices, the Obamas seem to have taken the idea of getting a low allergen dog a little far as the two options left are both uglier than Michael Jackson’s reconstructed nose. Spicy Organic Black Bean Terrorism- The little Obama girls have begun attending their new schools, and with new schools, comes new responsibility, new learning opportunities, and a new lunch menu. The Obamas are known for their healthy and organic choices in the food department, and these new school lunches will be no exception. Among other items, the menu is set to serve French dip with au jus, chicken fajitas, and spicy organic black bean tortillas. Although these choices score high in the health department, their patriotism ratings are wishy-washy at best.