Pirates vs Ninjas

What is more awesome, pirates or ninjas? It is an age old question that not even masters of discussion and argumentation such as Plato and Mr. Brekke were able conclude. "Ninja’s for sure are way better. They just own up on people all the time you know. They only lose to techno vikings!" Junior Jon Kaiser said. "Pirates are better because they can sail to Baps," junior Akshay Sanghi said. "Whichever side has an alliance with the robot dinosaurs clearly has a large advantage in this battle of epic proportions," senior Victoria Harding said. Clearly even our fellow students here at Ames High, far from the battle, have a number of different positions. However, there are number of reasons why I think Pirates have the advantage in this fight. Here are a list of facts that can not be argued with that support the pirate position. Fact one: The manner in which pirates fight is called swashbuckling. When you hear a word like swashbuckling, you can’t help but smile. Ninja fighting is just called fighting. Pirates have their own special word. Now how awesome is that? The answer is very awesome. Fact two: Pirates spend all their time on boats like the Lonely Island. If you read one of my previous articles reviewing The Lonely Island’s new album Incredibad , you will clearly see that it was decided that boats are the nuts. Not only that, but one could assume that because of this connection, pirates have T-pain on their side. You can assume then that pirates can wield the power of autotune. Therefore pirate shanties probably sound amazing! Fact three: The band Reliant K did a song about how they were pirates who don’t do anything. If Reliant K, a Christian rock band, are pirates, then pirates have a huge advantage in traditionally Republican states like Oklahoma and Texas, and a pirate candidate would have a very real chance at winning the U.S. presidency. Blackbeard 2012! Fact four: Pirates have their own fast food chain in the form of Long John Silvers. This provides them with an alternate source of income if plundering isn’t going so well. All ninjas have is Panda Express and that is a joke of a restaurant, despite their delicious orange chicken. Fact five: Pirates have their own opera. The Pirates of Penzance is one the most celebrated operatic comedies of all time. Full of great characters and witty dialogue, it is bound to entertain everyone in the audience and is a great show for the entire family to go see. All the ninja’s have is a movie about turtles. Clearly pirates have at leas a small edge in the battle of amazing. I’ll let you draw your own conclusion from this, but I trust you will at least have a slightly higher thought of pirates.