Dear Paul

Dear Paul, I’ve been going out with this one girl for a couple weeks now. At first, it was going smoothly; she had a good sense of humor, and she seemed really nice. But I’ve come to realize that I can’t understand her . I don’t think I can take one more minute of her trying to justify listening to Natasha Bedingfield despite her furious boycott of any label or imprint that isn’t independent, all because Sony bought out BMG. I mean, exceptions are one thing, but Natasha Bedingfield? I don’t get it… I just don’t see how it could work out, but I don’t know how to end the relationship. You see, times are tough economically, and nobody wants to buy anything from the ant farm store my family runs except this girl. Because she’s obsessed with me. So I’m afraid that if I cut this off, she’ll start another boycott, this time against ant farms, but then she’ll make an exception for the other ant farm store across the street, just to cripple my family’s welfare. What should I doooooo? Dear Dooo-wop, It sounds to me as though your problem is not with this girl as much as it is with Natasha Bedingfield. It could be that if you can just get past the pocketfuls of sunshine and the butterflies you will be in the clear. Then again, maybe not… Wow, you’ve got quite the situation on your hands, don’t you? Glad it’s not me! Well, as they say, hindsight is 20/20, but I mean 20/100 forevision would reveal that that’s the risk you take when you start a relationship like this. You should have gotten to know her first, noob. Well, there’s a question you have to ask yourself. If you won’t say it, I will: how do you do? What I mean is, in this situation you have to consider your own welfare as well as your family’s and evaluate your priorities. Would you rather have a miserable life with this girl yet a successful family or a miserable life dealing with your ex and a miserable family as well? If you really want to break up with this girl, what you have to do is go up to her and say, " I don’t need to be anyone’s baby; is that so hard to understand?" After that you can only hope she doesn’t say, "I don’t need to listen to major label music. Except Natasha Bedingfield." Because that just puts you back to square one. Other than that, I don’t think I can say too much more; you’re on your own. Good luck, and no need to keep me posted with updates, Paul Seriously, kids! Submit Dear Paul letters so we can stop fabricating them! The door is open for silly or serious advice; just make it clear in your letter. Turn them in to Mr. Johnson or any webstaffer, or email them to [email protected]