The world’s great thinkers think outside the box. In instances of decisional gridlock, they come up with innovative solutions, often inconceivable to those caught up in the heat of the debate, acting as a sort of social laxative, alleviating the clogs of contested indecision. Today, the debate over how to best make up snow days has developed such a condition. Let’s just say that we, the authors/thinkers, feel we can do our part to speed the evacuation of the school along by putting some new, alternative suggestions on the table, figuratively nailing our solutions to the schoolhouse doors in the spirit of Martin Luther. (He was a revolutionary thinker, right? Besides, at this rate the literal schoolhouse doors aren’t going to get the summer rest they deserve.) Taco Bell would be proud; we’re thinking outside the bun. Wait… There are buns in tacos!? Here are our best proposals: 1. Count passing periods as time in the classroom, inviting guest lecturers to speak over the intercom instead of listening to LITE. 2. Institute mandatory weekly sleepovers at the school. (SCIENCE SLUMBER PARTIES!!!) Students will fall asleep with raw information and classical music being pumped into their ears for subconscious assimilation into the lexicon. 3. One week could be branded the Extremely Wridiculous Week Wif Wotsa Work (EWWWW for short.) This would consist of continuous teaching, with no breaks. Not even to go to the bathroom. Thats a "waste" of time (solution = adult diapers). 4. Adapt the song selection for Prom to include only educational music (perhaps the Wiggles, Raffi, or Dora the Explorer). In addition, make After-Prom an extra credit opportunity. 5. Mandate that whenever a sports team travels by charter bus, prerecorded DVD lectures will be shown on both trips, as well as at every free moment: between events, halfti me, etc. This will finally give a legitimate use to the new video board in the stadium this spring. 6. Pack two "school days" into each actual day by declaring a state basketball game at one o’clock, and thus dismissing the "school day" at eleven thirty. But here’s the kicker: there isn’t actually a basketball game! Students would in fact return to school after lunch in order to complete another shortened day, effectively halving the number of days remaining in the year and hitting two birds with one stone. (Harmlessly, of course, resulting in no "fowl" play). This idea actually has already attracted a small following (aka Mr. Walter.) 7. Have the genius minds of the teachers of the science department combine their knowledge to create a time machine; travel into the future to see how to solve this problem. Completely bypass the problem if need be. 8. Another possible invention includes an anti-snow machine (the opposite of a snow machine, obviously. ) What would actually be accomplished with this invention is not quite clear, but the comfort it would provide is unquestionable. 9. Call it a conspiracy, claiming the clocks around Ames High are so incorrect that we actually have been in school for the correct amount of time. 10. Install moving sidewalks around the school and station teachers along them lecturing students as they cycle by. Eight bewildering laps daily account for two school days, to be followed each day by 3 hours of testing. 11. Or we could just make up days in the summer… you know, spread the pain out a little. (Who wants to be sunburned anyways?)