Spring Sports Preview

Last year, I explored the seedy underworld behind the gilded lustre of Ames High’s Fall sports. From powerful coaches to hungry club sponsors, Ames High was in trouble. But now it is time to turn my educated gaze away from the lower class sports and turn to the cultured world of sport. I shall start with polo, arguably the most gentle man ly sport in existence. It is no coincidence that the great Winston Churchill was an excellent player. This year appears to be another excellent year in the world of competitive polo. In our own United States, the polo action has become quite fierce. I have been avidly watching the Royal Salute CV Whitney Cup, which goes on until well into April. Invariably, it is a shame Ames High does not have its own Polo team, but I blame that on the poor financial planning of some of my classmates and not on a lack of interest in the sport. Another favorite sport of mine is competitive yachting. The thrill of the wind coursing through my windswept, feathered hair is simply beyond comparison. Applying one word to yachting would not do it the proper justice it deserves. Thankfully the entry price keeps the chaff out and the élite in. While many of my most élite friends view tennis as a poor man’s croquet, I find the sport fascinating. . . . I do find it highly amusing, though, that the progressivist liberal hippies have pushed the inferior sex onto the court. It’s called a gentle MAN ’s sport for a reason. Why in God’s name they aren’t baking cookies and learning how to rear children is simply beyond my men tal faculties Yes, it is quite plain that the world of gentle man ly sport yet thrives in a world of Super Bowls, World Cups, and if you can believe it, electronic “gaming” tournaments. Oh, and Tomas Lence’s girlfriend is like in a couple varsity sports or something. But I’m an arrogant, sexist jerk, not a news man , so who knows?