The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

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The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

The Evils of the Mosquito

Mosquitoes: The Evil That Buzzes Among Us Many students embrace the first days of spring. The fresh smell of new life and flowers is just so great. However, there is one thing that makes spring terrible and the fresh smell sour. Mosquitoes. For years they have been mocking us by sucking our blood. For years we have allowed them to do this by ignoring their undeniable presence. The time will come when we stand up to defeat these most contemptible arthropods. For the remainder of this story, mosquitoes will be referred to as simply “toes”. Toes do not deserve to be called by their official name. They have no souls. They serve no purpose. They contribute nothing to society. Some “experts” will argue that toes provide food for larger animals such as birds or bats, thus preserving the food chain. I know for a fact that birds and bats hate eating toes. Toes do not taste good. In fact, they taste terrible. Birds know this, but these so called “experts” don’t. To anyone who wants to study toes for one reason or another, I highly recommend doing some field work before making bold assumptions. Before we even considered writing this story, we ate seven gallons of toes and were hospitalized for two weeks. The toes struck once again! Supposedly, girl toes use our blood to feed their egg babies. After we were released from the hospital, we hunted a batch of egg babies and observed the larvae going through their life cycle. First, they hatched in a maggotous mass of maggots and induced projectile vomiting the world over. They proceeded to make cocoons for themselves out of the souls of innocent children. They entered those cocoons as maggots; they hatched as monsters. Why would you ever want to support the mothering of the most demonic six-legged beasts to fly through our pristine skies? One thing that I find very laughable is how seriously toes take themselves. They buzz around sucking blood like they are vampires or something. Note to all toes: You are not vampires. You will never be vampires. You don’t even look like vampires. So why do you buzz around and act like you’re all vampires? Toes are also responsible for the spreading of malaria, yellow fever, filariasis, encephalitis and dengue. Toes indirectly kill 2-3 million people every year. They are monsters and need to be eliminated. I find it very strange many people are concerned about foreign invaders when the most dangerous and monstrous invader is already here. Toes are a problem. They are a very big problem. If we want to defend our precious livelihoods and allow future generations of humans to live happy productive lives, strong actions have to be taken against the toe epidemic. If we continue to do nothing, we will rue the day, and the mosquito will laugh at us.

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