You know what smells like a dumpster? Let’s take 1200 teenagers and put them all in the same building. Let’s assume it’s a sports season. Because it is always a sports season. You know what really kills the smell of a dumpster? Four gallons of perfume! Yeah! But in all seriousness, I don’t want to smell you. I really don’t. Whether it’s a good smell or a bad smell doesn’t matter – I don’t want to smell you. Imagine, if you will, if everyone always wore perfume. Let’s presume, of course, that they’re all wearing different smelling perfumes. Now, we’re all walking through a thick cloud of noxious gas. It’s like chemical warfare: whoever smells the most wins. Before long, people are dropping in the halls – the prime directive of the nurse’s office is to resuscitate unconscious teens, to provide them with oxygen. Focus in this world of perfume is impossible – my head hurts so much that even the smallest thought brings a burning pain like placing my head inside an oven. Of course, the world isn’t like this. People are generally sensible, and most people do not find it necessary to leave a cloud of odor behind them. However, the problem is that some people do find it necessary, and for the life of me, I cannot imagine why. I really just don’t see any upside to overusing perfume. It doesn’t smell good, it just smells. I don’t think of anyone as a better or worse person based on how they smell. I’m no more attracted to a girl that wears a bottle of perfume to school than I would be to a girl wore a necklace made of garlic and earthworms that was dunked in a toilet. I’m sure that many guys can agree with me in this respect. I’m not saying don’t wear any perfume – if applied in small doses, perfume is not a problem – I’m saying don’t overdo it. Too much of anything is a bad thing, and perfume is no exception. Here are my thoughts: if I can smell you at a radius of more than two feet, you’re far too odorous for a school setting. This is not a cotillion, or a royal ball. It’s Monday at high school. You’re not trying to impress the Duke of Normandy – you’re annoying the Senior of Science Hallway, and many other people, I’m sure. Please, please, please, show some restraint.