Clarinet Choir redefines "beautiful"

Clarinet choir (it’s pronounced like core) promises a triumphant return to the spotlight, overshadowing all other sports and activities at Ames High. What exactly is clarinet choir? Prepare yourself. The clarinet is the noblest instrument, next to the piano. The esteemed profession of clarineter is the oldest job in history, excluding prostitution. And what’s more useful in a community, a prostitute or a clarineter? The answer is obvious (a clarineter of course). It’s hard to describe what a clarinet actually is. Actually, the only way to describe it is in metaphors. A clarinet is similar to a tiger chasing a gazelle through a field and then killing it. (The clarinet is the field.) A choir of “clarineti” sounds like each person has ingested pure gold, had a supernova of wisdom in their abdomen, and then gotten a hernia shoot through their body and clarinet, exitING AS A RAINBOW OF BRILLIANT MUSIC. Ames High’s Choir is beautifully arranged. “The group has great chemistry and teamwork,” junior Satchel Bruna said. “We really work together well.” Upon further research, it was revealed that Bruna is actually not in clarinet choir. Anyway, this choir of clarinetists, also known as a “claret,” is still a sight to behold. This year’s choir has the sense of fairness of the Justice League, the diversity of the Avengers, and the determination of a pack of rabid wolves. But they’re not rabid…are they? The sound that a Central Iowa Clarinet Choir makes when they perform is indeed similar to a pack of wolves howling at the moon. It’s been said that they can only make the noises that they make because they have fangs. The rabidity of the clarinet choir will always remain an unanswered question. When asked if he is a werewolf, Asher Bergman, a well respected clarineter, shouted an emphatic “Yes!” He neglected to comment on the difference between a werewolf and a regular wolf. What is the difference? Only time will tell. Yes, there are many unanswered questions about clarinet choir. Some might say a good journalistic article would try to answer these questions. I wholeheartedly agree.