The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

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The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

Junior Kendall Stow deemed failure after food fiasco

A crowd gathered as Kendall Stow hyped his undoubted ability to complete the Mr. Burrito challenge. He boasted of an insatiable hunger untouched by any amount of food, he claimed not to fear even the large Mexican delicacy that lay in his future. Just four hours before, Kendall had consumed three hamburgers, two bags of chips, four cookies, and a handful of assorted candies. This was nothing out of the ordinary for the large, ever in-charge, Kendall Stow. Stow was confident in his abilities. “If the past has proved anything, it’s that I am invincible” said Stow in reference to his capacity to consume large quantities of food. His previous feats include eating twenty cookies in twenty minutes, fourteen and half tacos in under an hour, and eighteen scrambled eggs with two blocks of cheese within an hour However, Kendall’s record wasn’t all success; he had once attempted the milk gallon challenge, which, to say the least, had ended poorly. Determined to redeem himself from his previous failures, Kendall prepared himself for his coming quest. As school let out Kendall and the growing number of followers made their way over to Mr. Burrito. There Kendall ordered a burrito large enough to feed a medium sized village. “He wasn’t even phased by [the burrito]l; he thought he had it in the bag” said Katie Jurenka, an Ames high senior who was an eyewitness to that afternoon’s events. “We were all excited. [Kendall] seemed confident, even a little cocky.” The burrito took about fifteen minutes to assemble, and with its arrival came the start of the Mr. Burrito challenge. Although fighting the clock, Kendal’s first few bites were feeble. His pace was slow, and he lacked a certain spirit that lies within all champions. “He had like three bites and actually started crying” said Jurenka. Although in tears, Stow continued with eating the burrito. “It was an eyesore” said Harmony Pace, another witness, “Watching him hopelessly shovel in bite after bite between sobs was truly hard to watch.” Seven minutes quickly passed. Eight minutes. Nine. Then, anticlimactically, the timer reached ten full minutes. He was left with nothing but an unfinished burrito and a deep sense of failure. A room full of people were left disappointed. Kendall Stow had stolen their faith in humanity. “I didn’t feel bad” said Kendall, after the event took place. He wasted no time in making excuses for himself, “I had eaten a bunch like three hours before!” he said, a sentiment he had previously used to make his expected victory seem all the more impressive. However, for Kendall and his spectators there was no victory that day, only broken dreams, blighted hope, and the image of Kendall trying to down an extremely large burrito in under ten minutes forever etched in their memories.

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