Let’s play a game called “is this actually a real quote?”

“Michael Sandero, starting quarterback for the Night Vale Scorpions, has reportedly grown a second head. It is not currently known whether this is a result of the previously reported lightning strike, or just another odd coincidence in the kid’s odd life”

What about this one?

“Our top story: last night’s Night Vale PTA meeting ended in bloodshed, as a rift in space-time split open in the Main Street Recreation Center Auditorium, setting loose several confused and physically aggressive pteranodons.”

The answer to both is yes.  These are both real quotes from the podcast Welcome to Night Vale, a cult hit created by Joseph Fink and Jeffery Cranor and based on the unused story ideas of HP Lovecraft.

If those quotes confused you don’t worry.  They’re supposed to be confusing.  In fact this is the same podcast that pitted Hiram McDaniels (who is literally a five headed dragon) against The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Live in Your Home in a mayoral race.  There was also the time when the librarians kidnapped children for the summer reading program and Tamika Flynn led the kids to victory by forming a children’s militia and reading classic literature.  It’s worth pointing out at this time that no one really knows what the librarians look like and they could very possibly be bears.

In fact, no one knows what anyone looks like in the podcast, which allows people to choose for themselves what people are like.  For example the narrator, Cecil Palmer, is often seen as a grotesque tentacle monster, but also as a middle aged nerd with tattoos, but also as a young Native American man with flowing locks.  The podcast’s vagueness allows for a nearly unprecedented amount of imagination the fans are able to take into their own hands, and it’s wonderful.

In addition to the creative component of this eldritch horror podcast, there is also some great representation.  In fact Cecil, arguably the most important character there is, has a boyfriend named Carlos. No one in the whole town seems to mind this, although some of them would probably like him to stop fawning over his boyfriend and actually report the news.

There is also a cat named Koshekh who floats in the men’s restroom at the community radio station and has poisonous spikes sticking out of his back.  Later in the story he has several kittens, who also float four feet above the floor and have poisonous spikes sticking out their backs, and no one seems to think the poisonous spikes are even vaguely abnormal for cats.  In case everything else hasn’t already convinced you that this is the best podcast ever.

To listen for free, click this link.