I just miss you


Sabrina Lang, Reviews Editor

I wanted to write an article about “fake friends.” But to be completely honest, the more I thought about it, the more I realized… I’m just salty because I miss you. This isn’t an article bashing people who have walked in and out of my life. This is about those I’ve loved along the way and how I want to thank them.

First off, as a disclaimer, this isn’t directed to any one person. Just a bunch of people I love(d). But if you think it applies to you, well, who am I to tell you either way? (Not that you talk to me anymore. See? Unintentional salt and shade right there.)

Second off, if we still aren’t on good terms, it’s probably your fault. I’m sure I’ve told you over and over you’re welcome to come back into my life at any time you would like. No apology necessary. Just a hug.

Third and last off, if I get anxious and can’t control my behavior around you. I’m sorry. I have seemed to misplace my chill. I’ll tell you if I ever find it.

I remember you asked me to meet you at a time and a place, and I waited for you, for over an hour. I remember staying with you until you felt better, because you refused to talk about it. And I respected that. It was the least I could do, I mean you would stay on the phone with me for hours comforting me. No one ever understood what I saw in you, and that was okay with me. You’re actually a lot deeper than you let on to be, but you’re still so easy going and laid back. Thank you for encouraging my self esteem and my writing. You told me you read every article I ever wrote, and even though I didn’t act like it, that made my heart smile. You helped me more than you could ever know. Don’t get me wrong, you said hurtful things. But I’ve learned there’s some people that are worth the pain. You were definitely one of them. You made me remember it’s okay to be human and mess up sometimes. Please understand, it’s hard for me because I love you, and I’m sorry I hurt you (go ahead and tell me I didn’t, I know you’re lying.) Thank you for walking me home when I didn’t know the way. You’re still a hero in my book.

And there was the nights, staying up til you couldn’t call it “night” anymore. I always misspelled your middle name, and you’d always get annoyed at me. We walked into high school together, and even though that’s not how we’re leaving it, I want you to know you always put a smile on my face. You talked it out with me when you could tell there was pain in my heart, and took me with you to family gatherings. Please understand I wanted them to love me because I loved you so much. We were so different, but so similar. We knew everything about each other. If we were in a fight but one of us had a juicy secret or bad day, we would drop and talk it out. You brought out the best and worst in me. Thank you for pushing my limits, it made me who I am today.  You’re wit never failed to make me laugh, and your fashion advice always went a long way. Thank you for curling my hair, I know I’m a mess. Never lose your ambitions.

Then there was you. I always felt safe around you. And somehow, you always knew how to make me smile. I remember you telling me you would look at the stars and think about me, and I wish I could have been that person that you needed me to be. Thank you for getting snow cones with me and watching my favorite movie. You always brought out the best in me. I always appreciated how big your emotions were. When you were mad, you were mad as ever. When you were happy, you were the happiest person on the planet. You just have this passion. And I know that’s why you won’t talk to me. You hold on to these grudges like they’re all you’ve got. But that’s what I love about you. Thank you for looking me in the eye and telling me how beautiful I am. You will forever make my heart smile.

None of you will ever know how close I hold you in my heart. You’ve helped shape me into who I am today. Thank you for being there. I cherish you and the memories we share. And I’ll always miss you.