Mock Trial is a sport, where’s the PE exemption?

It’s 1:30 in the afternoon. Our hearts are racing. Our faces are flushed. Sweat beads up on our foreheads, and our breath comes only in short gasps. Blood pounds in our ears as the excitement of competition literally floods through us. We have to focus all our effort on the task before us: crushing our opponents. The above paragraph could be a description of any athletic team’s pre-game nerves as they crouch, heads hung low, in a locker room where the acrid stench of sweat mingles with the pungent aroma of Icy-Hot. Or it could be the confession of tragically under-medicated PE all-stars, pouring all the energy most people expend on friends and legitimate interests into one 45-minute period of balls-out Capture the Chicken. But it is not. Instead, it is as close as words can come to describing the inexorable thrill of an afternoon spent in our chosen sport: Mock Trial. Currently, Ames High policy allows physical education exemptions to be given only to students participating in physical activities, such as soccer and, hilariously, golf. But this ignores the strenuous effort and fierce competitive spirit required by academic extracurriculars. This is patently unfair. Are we, the pale, rickets-ridden athletes of the mind, less deserving of recognition than our fully-grown peers? Do we not devote as much time and exertion to our passions? When you cut us, do we not bleed? So I address this letter to the administration of Ames High, in a plea for the PE exemptions we so richly deserve. Do not continue to force us to fail in the athletic arena; do not, I pray, feed we Mock Trialers, Quiz Bowlers, and Science Olympians to the lions of our peers. Allow us our life of the mind. And to the students of Ames High: do not forget, there is a sports world not populated with felons and analphabets, a pool of athletes not floating in a sea of HGH. There are games that can be attended without paying $37 for a hot dog or painting your stomach an attractive shade of Oompa-Loompa. So keep your self-respect and your dignity, and at the same time support those forgotten competitors that walk among you. And seriously, we want a PE exemption. Sincerely, the Ames Varsity Mock Trial team.