Kobe & Lebron, pack your bags

Kobe Bryant and Lebron James: Pack your bags. You are done. Although this letter was written while both of your teams were tied 2-2 in a best-of-seven series, I am here to say your season is over. Period. Although today you are both considered among the top handful of players in the NBA, I should not have to remind you it wasn’t always this way. Kobe, in 1996 you were the thirteenth player drafted (you have nothing on Samaki Walker). To add insult to injury, the Charlotte Hornets then traded you to the Lakers for Vlade Divac. Straight up. Lebron, stop laughing. This chump is the same guy who won the MVP over you this season. I know they call you “King James” these days, but in your rookie season you were beat out of a spot in the All-Star Game by Jamaal Magloire. And you’re supposed to be the future of this league. Sure, OK, that was in the past. Amazingly, things haven’t gotten much better. Kobe, your effort against Utah in Game 4 with a back injury was nothing short of…embarrassing. Your Lakers are the number one seed in the conference, and you lost to Utah, the number four seed. Embarrassing. Oh, Lebron. I wish there were fewer harsh words for you. Not after the crybaby incident with Papa John’s, though. For the record, you are a crybaby. You could pile pizza pies to the sky and you still couldn’t change my mind. You are a beast. There is no reason that you shouldn’t dunk on someone every time down the floor. Stop crying and entertain me. Your game might not be complete garbage—there is hope. Just don’t expect to be hoisting the trophy when it’s all said and done. Samaki Walker and Jamaal Magloire are more likely to be champions than you. Better luck next year.