The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

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The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

The student newspaper of, by, and for Ames High School.

The WEB

Eggnog+Twizzlers=Delicious

Over the holidays, a strategy which allows you to eat as much food as possible with as little guilt as possible is a necessity. The athletic world, with chiseled bodies abound, presents two such plans to help you reach this goal. 1. The Wrestler Approach (Where there is no food, there is no guilt) 2. The Phelps Approach (With great exertion comes great caloric allowance) However, there are several problems with the athletic solution; first of all, you probably don’t have the time to partake in such exorbitant amounts of exercise. More importantly, you probably don’t have the willpower to complete such superhuman workouts. At any rate, the wrester approach is not viable, since, after all, the point is to eat food. So, the realm of athletics is not the place to turn. Your only option, then, is to carefully monitor your food choices and moderate your intake. Luckily, a comprehensive evaluation of ten popular holiday foods has found its way to your eyes. Foods are carefully evaluated according to several criteria: “fillingness”, taste, nutritional value, and the “X factor”. (Consider the “X factor” a miscellany of smaller, more secret categories.) Foods are first given a number on a scale of 1-5 for each of these benchmarks. Next, each food is assigned a number on a scale of 0-100, which has nothing to do with the previous assessments, but represents that food’s value to you. In the step that follows, a description offers a comment based on the value of the food. As a last step, a brief description will summarize the food’s evaluation. 10. Turkey- (3)(2)(3)(-1) 43- Turkey Tom… That’s right. Turkey Tom. As in Tom Cruise. Consider this food an impossible mission. And choose not to accept it. 9. Pumpkin Pie-(2)(5)(1)(2.3) 35- Icky. Don’t go there. Between the heavy dosage of trans fats and the suspicious taste (can it really be pumpkin?!), this is simply a bad choice. 8. Twizzlers- (2)(4)(2)(3) 57- Everything in moderation! Although these are not a classic holiday food, if you are traveling you will probably get some of these at a gas station. Just don’t eat too many. 7. Ham- (3)(3)(3)(3) 50-Average- Not much more to say there. Although, really, a nutritional value ranking of three is quite generous. 6. Eggnog- (5)(5)(1)(5) 65- Might be a good choice- Don’t be deceived. This winter classic is like a whole meal in one tablespoon of interesting taste. 5. Sugar Cookies- (2)(4)(1)(3.70) 70- Make sure you get some of these- The only thing better than sugar cookies is 70 sugar cookies. 4. Assorted Dinner Rolls- (3)(4)(4)(0) 83- Boring, but good- Just avoid putting this next to Jell-O on your plate. 3. Corn- (0)(1)(2)(3) 45- Where’s the floss? No matter how long you eat this continually, you’ll spend longer picking it out of your teeth. 2. Fruitcake- (4)(2)(2)(4) 19- Give this away- Reputation goes a long way with this one. One bite may be enough. If not, you may be in trouble. 1. Mashed Potatoes- (3)(4)(3)(4.4) 100- The Monster Mash- They may not be good on their own, but they mix well with at least four of the sub-par foods listed above.

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