How to win John Yang’s heart

Known to select friends as Mr. Mysterious, Facebook users as JohnPoophead Yang, and others simply as “the guy who gels his hair every day,” most people have seen John Yang around. His indestructible nest of spiky black hair gives him an edgy, modelesque look, while his nonprescription glasses add a bit of geek chic to the mix. “Yes, my hair does defy gravity,” junior John Yang said. “I’m currently using Garnier Fructis gel and wax. I like smelling fruity.” Yang has also jumped upon the nonprescription glasses trend, claiming that he was trying to retrace his steps to his Asian origins. Besides, as Yang said, “Eric Sung was doing it.” With Yang’s bold fashion statements, it may come as a surprise that his picture was mixed up with Jeffrey Yang’s in his middle school yearbook. Yang isn’t offended by the mixup, however. “I sometimes get confused with white people, and it doesn’t bother them, so it shouldn’t bother me,” Yang said. Beneath the good looks, John Yang is also a very serious and motivated individual. He can often be found slaving away in the ISU Parks Library late into the night. “I have big ambitions,” Yang said. “Getting into a good college, working hard and getting something worthwhile, and trying to make a life for myself that isn’t depressing all the time.” Yang is also a top violinist at Ames High, and the size of his violin hickey is a tribute to his hard work. A lot of Yang’s time is also committed to Judo, a pastime he recently took up. He attends practice regularly. “I want to buff up my muscles and look sexy,” Yang said. This doesn’t mean that Yang has no time for fun, though. His skills at Guitar Hero are unparalleled, with a little effort on his part. “I used to play until my hands started cramping and hurting,” Yang said. To the ladies out there hoping to steal a piece of this stud’s heart, Yang had some advice for them. “Don’t be afraid of who you are, show yourself in a true light,” Yang said. “If you have a big heart, show it off, because that’s something I look for.” Perhaps no one will ever be able to fully decode the coolness of John Yang. Perhaps he will remain “Mr. Mysterious” forever. “I’ve definitely got a lot of tricks up my sleeve, if you know what I mean,” Yang said. “There are still some corners of me that are unscrubbed.”