Remember the men. They have rights too.

There’s a scene in one of my favorite books that goes a little like this: the protagonist and his younger brother are chasing after a girl of the same age who has stolen the former’s state-issued identification watch and made a fool of him. Protagonist: “I’m going to beat her to a pulp, that little b—-!” Brother: “Aww, but she’s just a girl…” Protagonist: “EQUIVALENCE OF SEXES!” This always makes me laugh, as the feminists who always clamor about how women are in every way just as good as men would be hard-pressed to find faults with this protagonist’s logic. Indeed, notions of chivalry stem largely from the sexist ideas, many centuries ago, of female delicacy. Men shouldn’t have to hold the door open for us or walk curbside so we’re not splashed on by street water or pay for all dates (as far as female delicacy goes, we’re not quite so delicate as to be incapable of carrying the extra weight of a few bills in our purses, so don’t expect your dude to pay for everything, ladies). “I want to wear my own coat–I get cold too, and it’s not my problem your skimpy dress is making you shiver,” ranted a senior who prefers anonymity over damaging his dating prospects. And though women are weaker physically, men shouldn’t be viewed as “ungentleman-like” for hitting a woman or for fighting with a woman. How come it’s not domestic abuse when a women slaps a man, but it is when a man punches a woman? This question being asked, men should also have the right to slap without being viewed as unmanly. Yet society also imposes many other unfair restrictions on men. Men should have the right to be unconfident or self-conscious without losing all authority and credibility. They should be able to cry in public without being told to man up. In divorce settlements, they should have more equal treatment, since oftentimes, divorced men find their access to their children severely limited and assets unfairly and excessively taken away. In addition, sometimes men who play with and spend time with young children are considered pedophiles, and they should be able to do so without this quick judgment by others. Something that hits closer home relates to how girls dress at school. Several male teachers at Ames High have expressed the wish to be able to tell fruts and slots to cover themselves without being sued for sexual harassment. Honestly, girls–you know who you are–the way you dress is a real distraction from learning for your hormonal male peers. And for the rest of us, it’s uncomfortable to look at you as you embarrass yourself with grapes spilling out of your bowls. The kind of attention you’re getting from your physical appearance is not the kind of attention you should be pursuing anyways. You should be after a guy who respects you for your personality, humor, brain, beliefs, etc rather than the ones who only talk to you because of your lady humps. And male teachers, along with female teachers, ought to be able to tell a girl to put on more clothes (and enforce the dress code, no less) without social and legal opprobrium. But perhaps the most deserving right men have is to talk about the rights they don’t have (but should have) without being viewed as sexist.