The Virtues of Dentistry

Last summer I had the distinct pleasure of visiting London. It was a fantastic place. I saw all the sights: Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, the Tower of London, and even an abbey where they filmed the dungeon scenes in Harry Potter. Yes, my trip to jolly old England was a success. But while I was there, I realized something that I had never appreciated about America. The smiles. See, when the Brits would crack a grin at my witty comments on the outcome of the Revolutionary War, they would betray a deep inadequacy in their country. Their smiles were about as straight as Justin Bieber’s latest pop song. Behind their cute words for french fries and their funny accents, Britain is hiding a massive problem with their dentistry, one that I’m thankful every day that we don’t have on this side of the pond. Before this summer, I had never fully appreciated the work of the American dental industry. I, like my esteemed colleague Mr. Laczniak, had always seen a dentist’s office as a place of pain and suffering, similar to a Milwaukee Brewers game. But after my trip to England, I saw for the first time the positive effects that American dentists have on our society. When I walked down our high school hallways, I saw people differently. Their smiles radiated the happiness that only a well trained oral surgeon can bring. Even as I suffered through wisdom teeth surgery, I knew it was for the best. As I layed in bed, slowly sipping Orange Leaf and trembling, I realized that my other option was to have a smile comparable to Ozzy Osbourne’s. Any amount of pain is worth avoiding that. So why do we despise the industry that raises all of our attractiveness? Some people, like Mr. Laczniak, undoubtedly can’t handle any more pain after watching Prince Fielder leave Milwaukee. But those without that excuse need to face facts. This noble profession is what sets us apart from the rest of the world. You have dentists to thank for your beautiful teeth. So please. Show your dentist some love. He has fillings too.