Ben Sulzberger: the Epitome of Freshman

Ben Sulzberger is a freshman who participates in Drama, Choir, Debate, Studco, and Speech.

If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you have? Raspberry vinaigrette, because it’s the sweetest of the dressings, like me.

What is the NFL? The National Forensics League. It’€™s for speech and debate, not dead bodies.

How you gonna do me like that? In the wise words of Truman Meyer, “Giiirrlll, Ima make love to you like a confused bear, awkwardly and in a manner that suggests I am trying to escape.”

How much do you look like Jasper Hale? Apparently our similarities are uncanny, but only when I stare off into the distance as though looking into the void.

Can you knit? I can knit although as far as my abilities go is an entirely different story. By the way would anyone like a scarf intended to be a hat, yeah I gave it up awhile ago.

So I heard you like Homestuck? What of it? What makes you different from the average freshman? I would say it is my superior good looks, outstanding intellect and athletic skills that make me stand out as well as my clever responses to Web questions, O.K., not really at all…hmm…..

Who is your best friend? I’m going to have to evade this question as well for fear of being shunned and hated by my peers and left with a cold and desolate shell of my prior social standing, which already isn’t much.

How loud can you yell? On something like a scale from 1-10 with 10 being something around Banshee, I would say I CAN YELL AT ABOUT AN 8!

What do you think of your debate partner? Ooh, my debate partner. I get to publicly humiliate Daniel, what fun. No, no. I believe I shall put it in the words of an anonymous source which shall remain anonymous but which Daniel Approves of; “He seems an odd mix of socially awkward introvert and swaggering overconfidence.”

Who’€™s your favorite upperclassman? My favorite upper class man, this is tricky as I just got down with the fall play and think I would be shunned by everyone who I didn’t choose so I shall cleverly avoid this question.

On a scale of 1 to Kim Kardashian, how sweet is your angle-side-side? The A.S.S. postulate does not determine a triangle. But on a more serious note, sweet Jesus Kardashian all the way.

What is love? Somewhere right around none-existent.

Are blond males evil? I’m probably at least a bit biased as far as this one goes.