Close the Moon


Liam Struck, Reporter

Many experts have speculated if our existence is a reality or simply a mirage inside our mind. Steve Harvey among other notable scientists claim that we are all living inside of a Capri Sun, their evidence for this is that the moon is the opening for a straw hole. This would most directly explain global warming, when our overlords breathe into our world their hot breath melts the arctic ice and kills polar bears. If we want to stop this catastrophe we have to plug up the moon, it’s the only way. I ask all humans no matter what background or political beliefs to help with the effort to close the moon hole.

Many are skeptical about how the Close The Moon society plan on… well, closing the moon but it’s quite simple. CTM asks all participants to grab whatever they can and start building up, whether it be a lawn chair, a garden gnome or your grandmother. To save our planet from global warming we must close the moon hole! Start tweeting, gramming or facebooking to spread awareness. This is not a joke and this is not a drill.

When our founding fathers first discovered the moon they thought that it was an entity or a space robot but in reality it’s an opening for our doomsday. They called upon the colonists to close the hole but they did not heed their warning and now many generations later, we suffer the consequence. This will most likely not completely deface our planet but give it a few ions and our great-grandchildren could be living in a planetless world devoid of all life except sunburnt humanoids. CLOSE THE MOON!