Look, there’s no way around it. Flow is nasty.


It takes a special person to look good with flow. Most likely, you do not possess the innate mojo necessary to rock the flow. It’s impossible to gain the ability to rock the flow. One is simply born with it. People who have flow are taking a huge risk. It’s a hit or miss, really.


Also, when rocking the flow, one must realize he is sacrificing his chance to impress girls. Girls hate flow.


“I’m a girl. What do girls love the most? Themselves. What does the flow do? Takes attention away from themselves and onto boys,” Senior Katharine Woodruff said. “Very, very few people can rock the flow.”


Sophomore Jack Heikens also says no to the flow. “I just feel like a man has a responsibility to himself and others to be clean cut,” Heikens said.


There is one legendary man who was born with this innate mojo. Fortunately for the rest of humanity, he chose to share his gift with the world. He traveled near and far to show off his flow. Who is this wonderful man? Keanu Reeves.


Keanu Reeves most notably acted in the Matrix trilogy. His flow wasn’t quite as prolific as it is today, but even in 1999, when the first Matrix movie was released, one could tell Keanu was born with the gift of flow.


“Keanu Reeves puts everyone’s flow to shame,” Heikens said.


Hockey players are the only people allowed to have flow. If you want to rock the flow, you have two options; join the hockey team or give up your dream of having flow. Keanu is the exception to the rule. Also, Keanu is Canadian which is basically a prerequisite for playing hockey anyway, so he’s barely an exception.

As a general rule of thumb, if you aren’t sure whether or not you look good with flow, well… odds are, you don’t look good with flow. Just cut it. Get a normal hairdo. Stop the flow.